Random poll of the day

So...life has gotten me to thinking about this. I'm curious to know what other's thoughts are on the issue.

So second husband may be second husband after all, eh?

If people find that it works for them, then let them be. But human nature being what it is, I can't see everyone in the relationship being completely happy with the situation and not being jealous on one way or another.

I've yet to meet anyone who is actually polyamorous. Usually, it is an excuse for their past infidelity or they are just trying to sound more exotic than they really are.

There are moral aspects to this issue which I won't even get into because morals are very different from person to person. Everyone has their own standards of what is and isn't ok, and really you can't force someone to stick to a moral code they don't agree with. I have family that think it's wrong for women to cut their hair- I disagree with them and I'm glad they can't force that on to me. I'm darned sure not going to try to force anyone to live the way I think I should, everyone finds their own way whether anyone else agrees with them or not. So while I would never even consider it for myself from a moral standpoint, my main concern in general for others is simply that I don't think it's a good idea general for anyone from a practical standpoint. Morals aside, there is no WAY I could share Chris with anyone, and no way I'd expect him to be ok with sharing me. Not to mention I simply don't want anyone else. It just smacks of infidelity, and that's never good for a relationship, it leads to jealousy, anger and resentment 99% of the time. MAYBE there is a rare group out there that can make it work, but I certainly wouldn't hold my breath and/or risk the relationship I already have. Relationships are complicated enough with just 2 people- I can only imagine it gets worse the more people that get involved.

Mountebank wrote:So second husband may be second husband after all, eh?

If people find that it works for them, then let them be. But human nature being what it is, I can't see everyone in the relationship being completely happy with the situation and not being jealous on one way or another.

Yes, second husband is indeed second husband...though we're still working everything out.

Jealousy is tricky but is natural. I don't have any jealousy anymore because I've analyzed within myself why I was feeling that way. I can now move to feeling compersion for 2nd husband when he's with his 1st wife (and when Oak is out with 2nd wife). I know how happy they are and that makes me happy in return.

I do know several people who are successfully poly, but I know it's not a lifestyle that everyone can accept. http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html

In the end you do what you want with your life. I hope everything works out for you guys and that you're happy in whatever you do.

I couldn't do it, but if it works for you that's what matters for you

I just wanna know how the whole thing works.

different people in a triad, quad or what have you will work based on their personalities, communication, boundaries and expectations. Every one will be different, and what works for one group won't work for another.

And frankly, unless Cherub and I were considering adding someone to our family, I wouldn't even consider asking someone about it. It's seriously none of my business.

Am saving my opinion for when I get to my computer.

RowanFalar wrote:different people in a triad, quad or what have you will work based on their personalities, communication, boundaries and expectations. Every one will be different, and what works for one group won't work for another.

This exactly. And we're a quad. Anything more... well that's between us.

Okay this is how i understand the whole thing correct me if i'm wrong. Your husband #2 is sorta a backup husband if number# 1 doesn't to do something you go do it with hubby 2 if he isn't busy.

Kid-spider2099 wrote:Okay this is how i understand the whole thing correct me if i'm wrong. Your husband #2 is sorta a backup husband if number# 1 doesn't to do something you go do it with hubby 2 if he isn't busy.

nope equal partners all around but primary spouse will always be first in our lives. People have different interests and that's OK. We do a lot of things with all four of us (not that. get your mind out of the gutter). This weekend it's munchkin cthulhu, drinking, watching football (for Oak and other wife) and playing video games (me and second hubbin).

I don't think it would work for me, but I won't hold it against someone for living that way. And you know, with the right people, maybe it would work.

Mostly, though, if it doesn't involve me, I don't care. Tolerance through self-absorption.

Yeah i can't manage one relationship at a time yet alone two.

I know it wouldn't work for me but if it can work for other people, it's their life and I respect their dessions that they chose.

If it could work (and my wife was for it which will never happen) I'd be willing to try it.