Venting.....

*steps onto a milk crate*

Well, I just found out that my 16 yo niece (who's been suffering from Hodgkin's and been fighting it for a year) is probably terminal. They treated her with chemo and radiation, last year and the cancer was gone. For about 6 weeks. It returned and she spent her last christmas in hospital.

They started chemo and radiation again, and were going to try an experimental stem cell treatment. However ,the current regime of chemo did nothing to the tumors in her lungs. So, the stem cell thingy won't work on her. And the doctor's told my brother & sister-in-law that there is nothing more they can do for her.

I purchased a grief & bereavement workbook for Moppet, so that I can know how to tell her, and what to expect, and what I will expect. Moppet is 8, highly sensitive and I'm not sure how we (as a family) are going to get through this.

And I can't vent on Facebook since she's on it. Most of my friends are in Toronto and I've got a fucking migraine that I can't treat with anything but codeine because of the blood thinner I'm on. Cherub has pneumonia, and I don't know just how much more crap I can take.

*steps off milk crate, picks it up, and hurls it at the nearest wall*

My Heavens, Rowan * pulls Ro into a tight hug*
Frankly if I were in your shoes I would most likely not be able to handle any of that. I know I don't know anything to say or do that could possibly make this mess better but if you need someone to talk to, I know I speak for bar and I feel free to contact us. Even if all you need a punching bag to vent on or a shoulder to lean on.

Wow, there is nothing I can say to that.

I'm really sorry to hear all that and as always, if there is anything we can do to help, just ask.

Thanks for the support guys, this is why I post here.

An update on my niece: There are several options. 1. Maintenance chemo. It won't cure the Hodgkins, but it will stop the spread. 2. Get stem cells from her sister and parents, and pursue gene therapy. 3. An experimental procedure is being studied in Detroit, and they're having some success with it, and my niece qualifies. 4. Palliative care, in which case she has 6-12 months left.

Her parents (and her) have decided to go with choice 1, to give them time to explore the other options in a bit more detail.

Bottom line, I'll be lucky to see another Christmas with her. And on the home front, I had to call in sick today because I've got a backlash migraine from the codeine I've been taking for the original migraines. The medicine I used to take isn't allowed with I'm on the rat killer. Moppet is doing okay, and has math homework to figure out this weekend. Luckily, I was able to figure it out in my head with little difficulty. Gotta love grade 3 maths.

You and the family will be in our thoughts and prayers, Ro.

Much love and prayers for you and your family *hugs*

Lots of love and hugs to all of you.

that's heavy i will totally include your niece in my prayers.

An update to the crap. If KT does not respond positively to the maintenance chemo, she'll have about 3-6 weeks left. Which means that Moppet will be able to visit her once before she's too sick for visitors.

I've shut down so much that it takes all my energy just to function normally. you know, getting Moppet ready for school in the morning, making sure cherub and I get decent food during the day. Being pleasant to the customers at work so I don't get fired. I just don't fucking care about any of it, and I can't let myself dwell too much because if I fall apart now, I don't know how long it'll take to get put together again and I don't have the time.

Fuck......

*walks off in a temper, punching through the wall on the way*

I would hug you, but I'm scared you might confuse me for a wall...

Nah. The wall is much harder, and flatter.

Hugs are appreciated in the spirit they are given. Thanks Gen.

*Hugs*

Wow. I don't know what to say. I hope the gene therapy can help. It has come a long way and I hope it will help your niece.

Well I haven't heard anything in the last 24 hours. I'm sure that there are developments, I'm currently in severe denial stage of grief. I will keep people posted.

Well, it looks like KT is responding to the maintenance chemo. Yeah! But Moppet is on antibiotics due to strep throat. I'm waiting on test results to see if I have it as well. AND cherub is still recovering from pneumonia.

That's great news on the chemo, Ro. Victory hugs are in order!

Let me just get this hazmat suit on first...

Glad to hear things are looking promising for your niece. Hope everyone at home feels better asap!

Since I'm not allowed to talk about my niece's emminent demise on Facebook (seems I offended Mommy dearest) I'm gonna vent here.

She's arrested twice, now intubated. She's been suffering from Hodgkin's for over a year and a half. And her in-denial-douchebag-I-can't-let-baby-go-immature idiots fondly known as her parents have watched her decline. Have watched her go from a vibrant spirited, intelligent young woman to a moon-faced (due to massive steroids), weak and wasted body, tired from too many futile rounds of chemo to even stand up on her own.

So here we are, waiting in vigil for her to let go when her parents aren't willing to face the fact that it's done. Over with. Poor Katie is dying and they need to let her go. It's my 42nd birthday today and I feel like such a horrible bitch to want her to suffer a couple more hours so that she dies on the 6th of September, so that I can face celebrating my birthday for the rest of my life.

So sorry sweetie! *hugs*

Sorry, I will keep you and yours in my thoughts. *hugs* You are stronger than you know.