Zod's love show.

*applause* (canned)

Zod steps out looking dapper as usual in his all black mostly shiny pleather garb.

"Yes, hello.. hello.. Zod here, and welcome to the love show."
"Zod will talk about many things that he knows about of which such is limitless.. but primarily, Zod will talk about Love."

*takes a seat in a shiny black pleather chair*
"We have quite a few guests with us tonight, they shall be coming out momentarily but in the meanwhile, Zod will entertain a few questions from those kneeling in the audience."

"Yes, you there? the nerdy looking one?"

.............


~looks at ks~


He means you, dude...

~Sigh~


Fiiiiiiiiiiine, in the interest of thread progression I'll ask the first question.


Oh great and powerful o-- Shit, no... thats the wizard of oz.


Umm... General Zod!





I find that sometimes my body odour just doesnt seem to cut it with the ladies, so... I just wanted to know what sort of cologne the great general zod uses on a date, and where I could buy some?

ahhh yes, you mortals often like to dabble in colognes and perfumes sometimes to override the stench that emanates from your simpleton hides, don't you?

well... Zod himself often likes to awash himself in the blood of men before date night with Ursa.
She finds the aroma positively intoxicating and often puts her in the mood. *shudders*

*shakes his head*

anyway, a large hulking smelly Scot like yourself must surely have realized by now that no amount of cologne will do the job properly.
A fellow with your musk is left with really only two choices.
A. douse yourself in a mixture of kerosene and pine oil.
B. Find yourself a nice lady Sasquatch with low standards.


Next question?

Yeah, about that... how exactly does one court ursa?


I shudder to think of the wooing process... let alone what the love making would be like.

*Eye lazors Tiq*

~ZAAASHHHHHH~

THE PROPER RESPONSE IS, THANK YOU ZOD, I AM FEELING THE LOVE!!

NOW TAKE YOUR SEAT!!

NEXT!!! D-:<

Uh, yes, General Zod, sir... I have a lady friend that I want to be more than a friend, if you understand my meaning. No matter what I try, she sees me only as a friend though. So how can I get through to her about what it is I want?

*takes a seat and folds a leg over*

"Oh well this is a very common question. I find many of you mortals are a bit on the shy and slow side when it comes to gaining a mate's attention."

"Now Zod has noticed a common trend in most of your planet Houston's wildlife and that is that the males usually bear brighter colors."
"What Zod suggests to you is that you go out and find some other young gentleman that she is currently seeing or perhaps seeks her attentions as well. Kill him, with eye lazors if at all possible and paint yourself in his blood."

"Approach the female, confidently yet not cocky and say to her." Behold mortal female, I have conquered your would be suitor(s) and am awash in his(their) plasma. I would be with you now! Let us away to some private den where we may crudely mate in a manner in which no real outcome is to be expected other than the expulsion of fluids."

I see, thank you Zod, I am feeling the love

Well responded, your death will be a painless one.
Next question?

We have time for one more before our first guest.

anyone? do not be shy.. eye lazors will happen regardless.

I have a question!


When Kal-el kicked your ass, how did it feel?

"one.. Kal El did not kick Zod's ass. Zod pretended to be defeated so he could murder Lois Lane and feed her to Non.
While in his grief, Zod had the ruler of Australia force a kryptonite suppository up Superman's anal cavity where upon he was beaten upon unmercifully until such a time in which he was a puddle.
That puddle was sent to Pluto where it remains frozen and far from the yellow sun.

Now then..

*eye lazors at full capacity, targeting Tiq's sinuses*

ZAASSHHHHHHHHHH!!!

any questions children?

*walks in*

Hey a guys gotta sleep you know.

*stands up*

Zod, I have a problem.

Some time ago, I met this chick on the internet. We pm'd back & forth for a while, and then started talking via Skype. We talked increasing amounts over a period of 12 months or so, and eventually realised we were in love. We then decided to meet in real life. I visited her and it went really well. We continued to visit each other increasing amounts over the next couple of years, and then a few months ago I proposed to her and she said yes. We're getting married next month. I couldn't be happier.

Anyway, onto the problem.

I own a pair of shoes which cause me pain when I wear them. I don't really like the shoes anyway. What should I do?

*sits down*

*stands up*

Oh, and she's totally hot.

*sits down*

*stands up*

And she fucks like a succubus.

*sits down, nodding sagely*

Mountebank wrote:*stands up*

Zod, I have a problem.

Some time ago, I met this chick on the internet. We pm'd back & forth for a while, and then started talking via Skype. We talked increasing amounts over a period of 12 months or so, and eventually realised we were in love. We then decided to meet in real life. I visited her and it went really well. We continued to visit each other increasing amounts over the next couple of years, and then a few months ago I proposed to her and she said yes. We're getting married next month. I couldn't be happier.

Anyway, onto the problem.

I own a pair of shoes which cause me pain when I wear them. I don't really like the shoes anyway. What should I do?

*sits down*

*stands up*

Oh, and she's totally hot.

*sits down*

*stands up*

And she fucks like a succubus.

*sits down, nodding sagely*

.... You are the bestest man in the whole wide world and I love you too and yes I do, just like a succubus!!

*takes a running leap and tackles her fiance with a loud rawr into a conveniently placed blue tent and quickly zips it up*

Hey! I was gonna use that in a little bit!

"Hrm.. a common problem among you mortals... shoes that not only are uncomfortable but also are undesireable."

*leans back in his chair and strokes his beard sage-like*

"Zod recommends you boil the shoes and feed them to any scottish types you may know. Then go out and purchase a new pair of shoes, one made of shiney black pleather... and then.. perhaps not be so picky as to be troubled over a simple matter such as shoes when you have smoking hot fiance on your shoulder.. or.. um.. *tilts head sideways trying to make out what's going on in the tent via silhouettes* .. your penis.. I suppose."


Next question?

General Zod, I have a terrible affliction... I haven't been able to.... perform... since "The Incident." I was wondering if you had any advice on what to do? ...I just keep having these horrible flashbacks.

I can't even go to the zoo anymore... The walruses make me...

The only thing Zod knows about love is when Non decides to spoon after using him.

General Specific wrote:General Zod, I have a terrible affliction... I haven't been able to.... perform... since "The Incident." I was wondering if you had any advice on what to do? ...I just keep having these horrible flashbacks.

I can't even go to the zoo anymore... The walruses make me...

*reclines back in his chair and thinks on this*
"As Zod sees it you have only two alternatives.."

"One, you have an equally as poweful but positive sexual experience to override the effect of Non's .. ahem.. 'indelicate' touch."


"Two, you have yourself obliterated to ashes or very small particles. Ensure that a close krewmember will regenerate you via the EBO, only making slight adjustments on the device to have the last few days not constituted into your reconstituted brain."

"The only other alternative I can see is to wait it till something powerfully nerd like comes out that makes you forget altogether.. perhaps the hobbit movie if done by Peter Jackson or perhaps a sequel or .. hrm.. even prequel to that Firefly movie you mortal nerds are always chittering on about."

Oh, ok... Thank you, Zod, I feel... the.... *holds back a sob* love...

YOU DIDNT KNEEL!!

*blasts Gen Spec's nipples with his eye lazors*

~ZASHHHHHH~

See? Nothing...

Zod the everliving wrote:YOU DIDNT KNEEL!!

*blasts Gen Spec's nipples with his eye lazors*

~ZASHHHHHH~

Um. This seems to suggest you were staring at his nipples.

Oh! Hey Vampy, I was wondering if you and SBC and any other female Krewmember that was up for it would mind helping me out with something?